Just stuff....

[sonjajade]

Well, obviously the big thing this week is the PUP.  Gods...  how can something so amazing and so beautiful be so completely fuckin scary?  I'm sure this feeling will get better as time goes by and I get my brain around it, but here I am at day 3 of knowing there's this growing thing inside me and it is still so surreal.  I keep pinching myself, and I'm still not dreaming...  My mom says I'm overthinking it, and if I don't stop my panic disorder will send me to the hospital.  So here's me, chewing my nails and worrying but trying not to LOL.

I want to get back to writing soon.  I can't take much more of being totally immersed in baby-land.  I want to work on Shuffle, I'm not quite sure how to move forward though.  I've gotten Miroku and Rin out of the house, Sango thinks they are going to Japan but really they went 2 hours away to this place Miroku used to visit when he was a kid.  He's filed for divorce, just about disowned Izumi... handed his wedding band to Sango before he left with Rin...  I had something written where InuYasha calls him bright and early the next morning and is giving him shit about leaving Sango in the middle of the night because Kagome went over there to comfort her leaving him alone at his house...  I haven't looked at that in a while though, cuz I was trying to finish Dolls and then I had those 2 good one shots come out, Take Me With You and Rainy Day.

But just because I haven't been writing my Mir/Rin smut doesn't mean I haven't been writing at all...  I have been writing a journal to the Pup (gods does this make me one of *those* moms??)  So I am talking to... IT, and telling IT everything about these first few days, little details I feel I'm likely to forget...  I don't know how important some things are that I've written down, but I will at least be able to look back and remember everything.

Todays errant thought:  I will probably have a girl because I write lolicon and the gods want me to know the pain of thinking a 17-19 yr old boy would want to touch my very young daughter in a bad way.  However, I'm sure the gods know what I write is fiction and I would NEVER endorse such a relationship if it were reality.  Besides that, Me and Osiris are tight, I don't think he'd let anything like that happen to my kid.  Yeah I consider my gods to be the Egyptian ones, yes I have made offerings, yes I bear the mark of the Eye of Ra over my heart and I know the Egyptian star patterns and make it a point to try and visually see Osiris when I can (Orion is the same constellation, but there are others up there, like the two crowns of Egypt and the sphinx)

I'm rambling.  And its way too early to be up.  I think I'll go back to bed for a while.

Comments

[jinxy-sama.livejournal.com]

I don't see anything wrong with writing down your thoughts these first few days... or with worrying incessantly, even over worrying. I think it's all very natural and likely just as therapeutic. The loli thing, however, I have no idea about. XD

[sonjajade.livejournal.com]

Actually, when I was writing to the pup tonight, it seems to be helping me get a grip on the fact that this tiny life is really real. In it I say things like "we went for a walk today" instead of "I went for a walk today", and I'm telling her (I hope it's a 'her') everything: how scared I am, how happy I am, how determined I am. It's as much for my own sanity as it is for her memories. I took a pic of the pee stick to put with it (had to go buy one since I dind't think to take a picture of the one at Planned Parenthood) and a picture of the gatroade Is tocked up on that had my due date on EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE. Told her about how everyone reacted to the news, like how my step-mom had a meltdown at work and my 2nd oldest niece all but jumped up and down and screamed (She's 17 lol). My mom and sister don't like that I call her "The Pup" but oh well. They don't know the reason cuz they'd prolly never understand, but that's what I'm calling her and that's that, although I did tell her in my journal why I call her that. Can't wait to see my grown child reading this thing and facepalming at mom's fangirl dorkiness lol