fucking nightmares from hell
Jun. 20th, 2014 08:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sonjajadeI woke up this morning at 5:30 in a cold sweat, on the verge of a panic attack, and literally freaking out from the nightmare that woke me. It's been a recurring dream that I haven't been able to recall until today. It always involves someone I'm caring for who is mentally retarded (I feel like it's my sister but I can't remember if I saw her face or not), my grandmother (who's been dead for 7 years), my mother, and a strange woman who I call the Demon. It's always the same- my sister and I return home to find the Demon somehow gotten in the house. She's got black wavy hair, glasses, wearing nice clothes and makeup, even if the style's a little outdated, and she's asking me if I'd like someone to look after my sister so I can live my life. I apparently have treated the Demon as a criminal and tried to kill her upon seeing her, because the house was locked when my sis and I left, so how'd she get in the house? Anyway, I don't know how previous versions have ended but I knew the one that woke me up was different from the others.
In the bad one, me and sis have been at a Queen concert (back like when Freddy Mercury had long hair and no mustache yet, so vintage Queen), and we leave to go home and I see from the street that the TV is on in our living room, and there's the Demon looking out the window looking at us. I try to stop us from going home, to walk somewhere else instead, but we go home anyway. She says the same thing- "Oh I was in the neighborhood and I know you take care of your pooooor, poor sister, and I need a job and I could look after her!"
As politely as one can, I ask her how she got in the house if no one was home, though I really wanted to beat the fuck out of her. "Oh, your grandma let me in!" Grandma's been dead for years how is that possible? Then Grandma appears- like she never passed on. We go in the kitchen and I try to ask her what the hell is going on and doesn't she know that woman in the living room is evil. Then as she's answering me, her face changes. Her eyes turn into the Demon's eyes.
"Now, now, I can't have you talking behind my back!" the Demon says in my Grandma's voice. (Christ, just remembering that voice makes me want to cry out of fright) So I start beating up my Grandma trying to get the Demon out, but it keeps saying "You're just killing Grandma, and I can possess other shells!" As I'm trying to tell my mom to take my sister and go, I look over at this jar of spaghetti sauce on the counter, and it's roiling inside. And in the sauce were two eyeballs staring wide and a scream was coming from inside the jar. When I turn back to my Grandma- her eyes are gone and the sockets are pouring blood and I'm screaming and running away. I ran down a flight of steps (I guess to a basement?) and all 4 of my dogs were dead on the landing and arranged like a swastika. And I stop and go back up the steps and demand to know why she is doing all this. Turns out she just wants a place to live. And I said if she'd been cool about it, we could've worked something out but now she can forget it.
And then she decides she's gonna possess me. I fell to the floor and curled up into a ball with my hands over my ears (I guess I thought that would keep me safe?) and then I woke up.
And I stared into the darkness of my bedroom for what felt like hours, because I was afraid to go out of my room. I wanted to wake my husband up, but I was afraid he would be possessed. and then my panicked mind wandered into the 'what-if-I'm-still-dreaming' phase, and then the whole thing about 'what if I'm already possessed??' and 'what if I wind up like one of those women who kills their kids in the bathtub because they think they're possessed by the devil??" It was all very terrifying. And then hubs woke up to go pee and I'm telling him about the dream and he (jokingly) says "You know I'm a demon too, right?" and I burst into tears. The dogs kept nosing the door and it was thumping and it was freaking me out. It was an absolutely horrible experience.
I did manage to get up and go to the bathroom and verify that all the animals were okay and alive, and Joey was sleeping like a log, and hubs held me til I fell back asleep. I haven't had a recurring dream since I was a little girl, and it was a nightmare too, about being abducted by aliens that were disguised as sesame street characters. Ugggh. Just had to share.
Also, I feel like a slug lately. I've gained back all the weight I lost, I've got no interest in writing or drawing or anything, work sucks so hard and Joey not being in school sucks even harder.
In the bad one, me and sis have been at a Queen concert (back like when Freddy Mercury had long hair and no mustache yet, so vintage Queen), and we leave to go home and I see from the street that the TV is on in our living room, and there's the Demon looking out the window looking at us. I try to stop us from going home, to walk somewhere else instead, but we go home anyway. She says the same thing- "Oh I was in the neighborhood and I know you take care of your pooooor, poor sister, and I need a job and I could look after her!"
As politely as one can, I ask her how she got in the house if no one was home, though I really wanted to beat the fuck out of her. "Oh, your grandma let me in!" Grandma's been dead for years how is that possible? Then Grandma appears- like she never passed on. We go in the kitchen and I try to ask her what the hell is going on and doesn't she know that woman in the living room is evil. Then as she's answering me, her face changes. Her eyes turn into the Demon's eyes.
"Now, now, I can't have you talking behind my back!" the Demon says in my Grandma's voice. (Christ, just remembering that voice makes me want to cry out of fright) So I start beating up my Grandma trying to get the Demon out, but it keeps saying "You're just killing Grandma, and I can possess other shells!" As I'm trying to tell my mom to take my sister and go, I look over at this jar of spaghetti sauce on the counter, and it's roiling inside. And in the sauce were two eyeballs staring wide and a scream was coming from inside the jar. When I turn back to my Grandma- her eyes are gone and the sockets are pouring blood and I'm screaming and running away. I ran down a flight of steps (I guess to a basement?) and all 4 of my dogs were dead on the landing and arranged like a swastika. And I stop and go back up the steps and demand to know why she is doing all this. Turns out she just wants a place to live. And I said if she'd been cool about it, we could've worked something out but now she can forget it.
And then she decides she's gonna possess me. I fell to the floor and curled up into a ball with my hands over my ears (I guess I thought that would keep me safe?) and then I woke up.
And I stared into the darkness of my bedroom for what felt like hours, because I was afraid to go out of my room. I wanted to wake my husband up, but I was afraid he would be possessed. and then my panicked mind wandered into the 'what-if-I'm-still-dreaming' phase, and then the whole thing about 'what if I'm already possessed??' and 'what if I wind up like one of those women who kills their kids in the bathtub because they think they're possessed by the devil??" It was all very terrifying. And then hubs woke up to go pee and I'm telling him about the dream and he (jokingly) says "You know I'm a demon too, right?" and I burst into tears. The dogs kept nosing the door and it was thumping and it was freaking me out. It was an absolutely horrible experience.
I did manage to get up and go to the bathroom and verify that all the animals were okay and alive, and Joey was sleeping like a log, and hubs held me til I fell back asleep. I haven't had a recurring dream since I was a little girl, and it was a nightmare too, about being abducted by aliens that were disguised as sesame street characters. Ugggh. Just had to share.
Also, I feel like a slug lately. I've gained back all the weight I lost, I've got no interest in writing or drawing or anything, work sucks so hard and Joey not being in school sucks even harder.
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Date: June 21st, 2014 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: June 21st, 2014 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: June 21st, 2014 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: June 21st, 2014 04:34 am (UTC)Sorry the rest of it sucks too
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Date: June 21st, 2014 11:41 pm (UTC)Sounds like an anxiety driven nightmare . If so, sorry that things are so bad, even in your sleep.
*hug*
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Date: June 24th, 2014 01:13 pm (UTC)And if it's any comfort, you looked so lovely in the recent picture of you and Pea--the dressy one where you are holding him. So glad you shared that on FB!