job hunting (AGAIN)

god dammit. you tell an employer when you can work and it isn't good enough for them. you MUST be able to work nights, weekends, holidays, and everything in between. Flexible scheduling doesn't mean flexible at all. it means if you're restricted in what days and how long you can work, you're fucked. I can only work when Joey's in school apparently. I build that up when I get an interview, saying a high school student would need weekends only, whereas I can't work weekends at all, they would need nights only, where I can't do nights at all, and they'd need some days during summer break where I'd like a much lighter schedule in the summer. No one cares. My husband is determined to get me waiting tables so he can get a discount to go out to eat. That's all he cares about- getting my tips to pay bills and stuffing his face somewhere. I'd rather do retail or banking, but no one likes my schedule demands. Getting ready to take a stack of resumes and go to the damn mall, since they don't open until 10 and the earliest I'd have to be there is 9, which works great for me. Problem though is it's the mall. They never close for weather EVER and it is the same one that had the 'riot' the day after Christmas.  I sometimes have dark thoughts about cutting my own leg off so I can get disability. All I know is I've been so depressed since Christmas and waking up in a near panic every morning.  Something's gotta give, and soon.

I want to work on my novel, I need to work on the commission I sold, but at the same time all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.