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Bullshit and other garbage I've been dealing with lately
Hi. Long time no see. Before I begin, I have to say that I'm angry and upset and because of that, this entry may feel a little terse and curt.
Back a few weeks ago, June 5th to be precise, my husband came home and started arguing with me. Apparently he somehow got it in his head that I did not want to help him fight with his insurance company regarding his own weight loss surgery. Sent me several messages telling me so, both on facebook and my phone. At the time, I calmly responded to those messages, telling him as far as I knew, the insurance company hadn't responded to the appeal apart from the standard response that they would investigate the issue before denying it. When he came home, I was dealing with Joey being a butthead over going to an amusement park for the day. Apparently Walter mistook my frustration at my son as frustration at him and arguing ensues. He was absolutely out of his mind. He brought up OLD wounds over caring for his mother and father and then telling me I wouldn't know true pain until my own parents were gone and specifically said "I hope your mother dies tomorrow." At that point, I pulled out my phone with intent to record him being crazy, so when he calmed down he could look at himself. He refused to repeat what he said about my mom, despite me explaining to him that I wasn't going to share the video with anyone other than him, and that I wanted him to see how he was behaving.
In the middle of the fighting, somehow, my stove gets turned on. There was a box of dog treats sitting on a burner we never use and it starts smoldering. I didn't know this, despite being right by the stove as it happened. Walt tells me to stop recording because the stove is on fire, to which I say "Yeah right, I know you're just trying to trick me into turning the camera off." He keeps insisting there's smoke, then finally rushes past me and turns the burner off and throws the box in the floor and starts stomping it out. I apologize and start helping too, and then he grabs my phone, pulls the case and back off, pulls the battery and SD card out, and snaps the SD card into little bitty pieces. I smacked his arm and called him an asshole, He shoved me into a wall and put his forearm over my throat but doesn't apply pressure. I yell for Joey to call 911. He is in hysterics and can't even speak, so he's no help. Walt accuses ME of scaring our son for life because I asked him to call the cops, instead of blaming himself for yelling and screaming and being a lunatic. I don't know what happens after that, but eventually he calms down and starts having a pity party for himself that I refuse to go to. I told him he needs leave. He packs his stuff and goes. I tend to Joey, trying to calm HIM down and assure him that everything is okay and that it's alright to be scared and sad and mad at what had just happened. I take him to Wendy's (his favorite) and then to five below (another favorite) and while we're out, I text Walt to see where he went. He says only 'hospital' and I leave it at that. Don't really care anymore at that point, just glad he's safe and getting help. Joey and I go home and watch some shows on amazon and then he goes to bed with me in our big bed.
Two days later I get Joey in to see his therapist because I don't want him traumatized over what had happened. The therapist says I need to file an Emergency Protective Order (EPO) against Walt or else she has a duty to report abuse in the home to Child Protective Services (CPS). Walt was supposed to get out the very next day, so it was something I had to do right away. I go downtown after my roommate gets home and file the paperwork, even though I didn't want to. I agonized over that decision the whole time I was there. The EPO was granted, Walt had to stay 500 ft away from me and Joey, our house, and my work, until our court date on June 19th. Walt stayed at his brother's during that time and everything was fine.
A few days later, on the 13th, a lady from CPS shows up at my door. I'm confused so I asked why she was there. She said any time a minor is named in an EPO it's an automatic investigation. (The therapist and even the judge didn't seem to think that was the case, so I think someone called them on me, namely my sister, who is still bitter over the fact I've called CPS on her twice. Different situations, different story for another time.) She asks me all kinds of questions while looking at my home as if it were covered in Slimer slime. She refused to sit down at my kitchen table because there was cat hair on the seats. She backed way far away from one of my cats when they tried to sniff her. And yes, at the time, my house WAS a mess- I'd just come off of working 5 days straight, was on off day 3/3 when she stopped in, and had planned to clean up that day, as I'd just gotten switched back over to being up during the day so I could clean without waking anyone up. She doesn't seem to care, goes on interviewing Joey, then asks me for his therapist's number, my roommate's number (I told her he was here when it happened, and when she spoke to him and he reminded her of this fact, she seemed shocked..) and his pediatrician's number. She left telling me she would be back in two weeks to check the progress on the house.
Court date comes and the judge seems happy with the steps everyone's taking to insure none of this happens again and dismisses the EPO. I had to speak with an advocate before the hearing from the center for women and children, and she said she would have my name and number on file if I decided I needed to file again. The sheriff made Joey wait in one of the consult rooms outside the courtroom by himself and he was sobbing when me and Walter got back to him, because he thought CPS was going to take him away. It took me 15 minutes to get him settled... and CPS thinks I'M traumatizing him! Anyway, we go out to dinner to celebrate a little while later and then we assumed we'd start cleaning the next day to get ready for the CPS lady's return.
The next afternoon, the lady shows up. It hasn't even been ONE WEEK yet. I was asleep at the time, still switching over from night shift again. She looks around with the same disgusted expression and I ask her why she's come back before it was time and she said since the case was dropped they just wanted to be sure the home was clean. I got mad and told her I'd just worked another 5 nights in a row, had court the day before and had been up almost 30 hours, that I simply hadn't had time, and she said she was forwarding my case to another agency so I could get some help cleaning up and "education" about cleanliness. Whatever. Fine, please leave I'm exhausted. She leaves and Walt and Joey get started on some laundry and dishes while I go back to bed until I can function.
Thursday, we saw the therapist again. She told me how the interview with the CPS lady went and we're both still confused as hell as to how they're even involved. I filed the EPO to avoid having CPS in the middle of all this, and yet here they are, being most unhelpful and traumatizing in their own right. Therapist says I should call the lady and ask her to clarify what this agency is she's forwarding my case to and why she's doing it. So Friday I did. She said she was concerned about Joey's asthma (it's SEASONAL asthma, not everyday asthma- meaning it is triggered by mold and pollen depending on the season, and he's NEVER had an asthma attack thank goodness!) and the level of filth in my house. Excuse me, my home is cluttered, not filthy. There is animal hair in various places because I don't have carpet to keep it from rolling all over the floor like tumbleweeds. I have 7 fur babies- there's gonna be hair no matter what! I tell her I've got most of the house clean right now if she wants to come by and take a look so we can avoid getting this other agency involved (less paperwork for everyone) and she says no because I'm considered an ON-GOING CASE.
We went to my niece's wedding on Saturday, took a break yesterday, and today I'm going to the therapist for myself. All the progress I've made has been undone by this crap. Tomorrow is Joey's birthday, the day after is Walter's, and I guess Thursday will be the day we do the big cleaning blitz because their birthday party is on Sunday, and I really just want to be done with all this shit. Not once have any of these people called before showing up, not once has the CPS lady spoke kindly to me, and I'm afraid of it getting much worse before anything gets better. I'm stressed out and sleeping way too much. Thankfully my boss has given me almost 2 weeks off to deal with all of this and I'm so happy she has. Went up there yesterday to get Joey and I a slushie and everyone came to give us both hugs. I love my coworkers, they're all awesome. Best support group during this mess, I swear.
By the way, my mom, dad, and sister haven't called once to check on me. No one except my best friend in Alabama bothered to call me on the day this all started to see if I was okay. Walt's friends came out of the woodwork. I have pretty much given up on my family being worth a damn. And now I gotta take a quick shower so I can see the therapist. She sees both me and Joey which makes it so much easier because we don't have to repeat things to get caught up on everything. Will try to check in again soon. Sorry it's all bad news.
Edited to add: Mentioned to the therapist I've been feeling lazy when it comes to getting all the stuff done and she corrected me, saying I'm not lazy- I'm depressed. She said some of it of course is trying to live a daytime life on a night time work schedule, but for the most part, it's depression, and all the stuff happening recently can cause it to sort of flare up. That in turn makes me lethargic and barely functioning. Never realized that before.
Back a few weeks ago, June 5th to be precise, my husband came home and started arguing with me. Apparently he somehow got it in his head that I did not want to help him fight with his insurance company regarding his own weight loss surgery. Sent me several messages telling me so, both on facebook and my phone. At the time, I calmly responded to those messages, telling him as far as I knew, the insurance company hadn't responded to the appeal apart from the standard response that they would investigate the issue before denying it. When he came home, I was dealing with Joey being a butthead over going to an amusement park for the day. Apparently Walter mistook my frustration at my son as frustration at him and arguing ensues. He was absolutely out of his mind. He brought up OLD wounds over caring for his mother and father and then telling me I wouldn't know true pain until my own parents were gone and specifically said "I hope your mother dies tomorrow." At that point, I pulled out my phone with intent to record him being crazy, so when he calmed down he could look at himself. He refused to repeat what he said about my mom, despite me explaining to him that I wasn't going to share the video with anyone other than him, and that I wanted him to see how he was behaving.
In the middle of the fighting, somehow, my stove gets turned on. There was a box of dog treats sitting on a burner we never use and it starts smoldering. I didn't know this, despite being right by the stove as it happened. Walt tells me to stop recording because the stove is on fire, to which I say "Yeah right, I know you're just trying to trick me into turning the camera off." He keeps insisting there's smoke, then finally rushes past me and turns the burner off and throws the box in the floor and starts stomping it out. I apologize and start helping too, and then he grabs my phone, pulls the case and back off, pulls the battery and SD card out, and snaps the SD card into little bitty pieces. I smacked his arm and called him an asshole, He shoved me into a wall and put his forearm over my throat but doesn't apply pressure. I yell for Joey to call 911. He is in hysterics and can't even speak, so he's no help. Walt accuses ME of scaring our son for life because I asked him to call the cops, instead of blaming himself for yelling and screaming and being a lunatic. I don't know what happens after that, but eventually he calms down and starts having a pity party for himself that I refuse to go to. I told him he needs leave. He packs his stuff and goes. I tend to Joey, trying to calm HIM down and assure him that everything is okay and that it's alright to be scared and sad and mad at what had just happened. I take him to Wendy's (his favorite) and then to five below (another favorite) and while we're out, I text Walt to see where he went. He says only 'hospital' and I leave it at that. Don't really care anymore at that point, just glad he's safe and getting help. Joey and I go home and watch some shows on amazon and then he goes to bed with me in our big bed.
Two days later I get Joey in to see his therapist because I don't want him traumatized over what had happened. The therapist says I need to file an Emergency Protective Order (EPO) against Walt or else she has a duty to report abuse in the home to Child Protective Services (CPS). Walt was supposed to get out the very next day, so it was something I had to do right away. I go downtown after my roommate gets home and file the paperwork, even though I didn't want to. I agonized over that decision the whole time I was there. The EPO was granted, Walt had to stay 500 ft away from me and Joey, our house, and my work, until our court date on June 19th. Walt stayed at his brother's during that time and everything was fine.
A few days later, on the 13th, a lady from CPS shows up at my door. I'm confused so I asked why she was there. She said any time a minor is named in an EPO it's an automatic investigation. (The therapist and even the judge didn't seem to think that was the case, so I think someone called them on me, namely my sister, who is still bitter over the fact I've called CPS on her twice. Different situations, different story for another time.) She asks me all kinds of questions while looking at my home as if it were covered in Slimer slime. She refused to sit down at my kitchen table because there was cat hair on the seats. She backed way far away from one of my cats when they tried to sniff her. And yes, at the time, my house WAS a mess- I'd just come off of working 5 days straight, was on off day 3/3 when she stopped in, and had planned to clean up that day, as I'd just gotten switched back over to being up during the day so I could clean without waking anyone up. She doesn't seem to care, goes on interviewing Joey, then asks me for his therapist's number, my roommate's number (I told her he was here when it happened, and when she spoke to him and he reminded her of this fact, she seemed shocked..) and his pediatrician's number. She left telling me she would be back in two weeks to check the progress on the house.
Court date comes and the judge seems happy with the steps everyone's taking to insure none of this happens again and dismisses the EPO. I had to speak with an advocate before the hearing from the center for women and children, and she said she would have my name and number on file if I decided I needed to file again. The sheriff made Joey wait in one of the consult rooms outside the courtroom by himself and he was sobbing when me and Walter got back to him, because he thought CPS was going to take him away. It took me 15 minutes to get him settled... and CPS thinks I'M traumatizing him! Anyway, we go out to dinner to celebrate a little while later and then we assumed we'd start cleaning the next day to get ready for the CPS lady's return.
The next afternoon, the lady shows up. It hasn't even been ONE WEEK yet. I was asleep at the time, still switching over from night shift again. She looks around with the same disgusted expression and I ask her why she's come back before it was time and she said since the case was dropped they just wanted to be sure the home was clean. I got mad and told her I'd just worked another 5 nights in a row, had court the day before and had been up almost 30 hours, that I simply hadn't had time, and she said she was forwarding my case to another agency so I could get some help cleaning up and "education" about cleanliness. Whatever. Fine, please leave I'm exhausted. She leaves and Walt and Joey get started on some laundry and dishes while I go back to bed until I can function.
Thursday, we saw the therapist again. She told me how the interview with the CPS lady went and we're both still confused as hell as to how they're even involved. I filed the EPO to avoid having CPS in the middle of all this, and yet here they are, being most unhelpful and traumatizing in their own right. Therapist says I should call the lady and ask her to clarify what this agency is she's forwarding my case to and why she's doing it. So Friday I did. She said she was concerned about Joey's asthma (it's SEASONAL asthma, not everyday asthma- meaning it is triggered by mold and pollen depending on the season, and he's NEVER had an asthma attack thank goodness!) and the level of filth in my house. Excuse me, my home is cluttered, not filthy. There is animal hair in various places because I don't have carpet to keep it from rolling all over the floor like tumbleweeds. I have 7 fur babies- there's gonna be hair no matter what! I tell her I've got most of the house clean right now if she wants to come by and take a look so we can avoid getting this other agency involved (less paperwork for everyone) and she says no because I'm considered an ON-GOING CASE.
We went to my niece's wedding on Saturday, took a break yesterday, and today I'm going to the therapist for myself. All the progress I've made has been undone by this crap. Tomorrow is Joey's birthday, the day after is Walter's, and I guess Thursday will be the day we do the big cleaning blitz because their birthday party is on Sunday, and I really just want to be done with all this shit. Not once have any of these people called before showing up, not once has the CPS lady spoke kindly to me, and I'm afraid of it getting much worse before anything gets better. I'm stressed out and sleeping way too much. Thankfully my boss has given me almost 2 weeks off to deal with all of this and I'm so happy she has. Went up there yesterday to get Joey and I a slushie and everyone came to give us both hugs. I love my coworkers, they're all awesome. Best support group during this mess, I swear.
By the way, my mom, dad, and sister haven't called once to check on me. No one except my best friend in Alabama bothered to call me on the day this all started to see if I was okay. Walt's friends came out of the woodwork. I have pretty much given up on my family being worth a damn. And now I gotta take a quick shower so I can see the therapist. She sees both me and Joey which makes it so much easier because we don't have to repeat things to get caught up on everything. Will try to check in again soon. Sorry it's all bad news.
Edited to add: Mentioned to the therapist I've been feeling lazy when it comes to getting all the stuff done and she corrected me, saying I'm not lazy- I'm depressed. She said some of it of course is trying to live a daytime life on a night time work schedule, but for the most part, it's depression, and all the stuff happening recently can cause it to sort of flare up. That in turn makes me lethargic and barely functioning. Never realized that before.