sonjajade: (action bastard)
2017-07-05 02:10 pm

Adventures in Redneckery!

 I have these neighbors across the street from me who think just because they have a big backyard that backs up to the expressway, and that our street is sort of like a long cul-de-sac because of this hairpin curve to get to our houses, that they can have a country 4th of July complete with ATVs, enormous fireworks, loud music, lots of drinking, etc. I watched these idiots so closely because last year they fired mortars at our house in their drunken revelry. Now look, the 4th is actually my favorite holiday. I love getting together with friends and family and drinking and blowing shit up, but there's a time and a place, and that place is not in suburbia. 

I knew we were in for it when car after car came and parked all over the street. There were at least 15 vehicles parked in front of my house, their house, their next door neighbors, etc. 3 of them had trailers. someone brought a giant smoker and 2 had ATVs (one was just a general mudder kind of 4 wheeler, the other looked like a dune buggy). All day long, they drank and drove these ATVs through their next door neighbors yard (the one who's a bee keeper and has two big beautiful peach trees in his front yard). Kids not much older than Joey were driving them too, and I laughed my ass off when King Redneck himself slammed right into the grill of his own truck and threw himself up onto the hood. Those 4 wheelers were going all damn day, non stop. And the music got louder as the day wore on. Most of it was fine, classic rock kind of stuff. But then there was a rather long block of country and I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough.

Keep in mind I am in my house, windows closed, and it was still just like being there.

As for the fireworks, they shot off roman candles all day, nothing major. But when it got dark, that's when it suddenly became Beirut in the 80's. The fireworks they were shooting off would have been appropriate at any city display. I'm saying that they were LOUD, and they shook the pictures on the wall, and literally scared the shit out of my dog. I couldn't even see the entire burst they made in the sky because my window wasn't big enough. And this was one right after the other rapid fire like, from 9-10. Thankfully, despite being drunk is horrible all day, they had enough presence of mind to obey the noise ordinances and stopped at 10. The music cut off and they all moved inside and then finally started leaving around midnight.

The front yard doesn't have too much in it, just one or two mortar shell things, mostly burnt up and soaked from rain we had early this morning. If it had been on the weekend, we would have been in for a much longer and terrifying evening. The fireworks were very cool and pretty (grateful I never have to waste my OWN money on them with these people lol) but my son and my mastiff and my black cat were not as thrilled as I was lol.

In other news, I got all my edits made to my big bang entry and will be starting my new job on Monday!!! Everything's on the up and up at last! Just can't wait to get some paychecks rolling back in. Gotta save for house taxes and car repairs.

sonjajade: (Default)
2017-05-12 05:34 pm
Entry tags:

Bummed

 I've been applying to jobs literally all over the place, no real bites.

Sister's boyfriend, who just got out of jail 2 days ago and hasn't held a job in literally months, picks up a $13 an hour job like it's nothing. 

*SIGGGHHH*

Tonight is Joey's 'End of the Year Bash' at school. all kinds of cool stuff gonna be there- food trucks, a juggler, a fire breather, a DJ, face painting, balloon animals and games. Even thought it's a little cool outside and looking like it could rain any minute, I'm really jazzed about it! So off we go!
sonjajade: (action bastard)
2017-05-10 10:04 pm
Entry tags:

All's well that ends well

 The online shouting match the other night with my sister's boyfriend resulted in him staying in jail for 2 days (for a bench warrant, not because I reported him). He was served with eviction papers while in jail, and when he was released, he came back to mom's apartment, got his clothes and things, and went to live with his mother. He apologized to my mom and sister, apologized to me for making me worry about them, I said I was sorry it all got out of hand and that he was arrested, but he said he wasn't mad. He said he realized he was definitely in the wrong, that he took care of court stuff while he was there and is now an unwanted person again, and being apart from my sister will be the best thing for everyone in the long run. So everything's okay and that's a big relief.

In other news, my husband's oldest brother (who was once married to my mom for a little while), is in the mental hospital. He is bipolar, has schizo-affective disorder, and has been hospitalized a bunch of times in the past 12 years.  He got prostate and testicular cancer, and after treatment, his body doesn't metabolize his medication the way it used to. So the combination of lithium/prozac/seroquel stopped working and they haven't been able to get him straightened out ever since.  One time he got in his truck and just took off. He made it to Mississippi before he ran out of gas, and then just got out and started walking, taking off his clothes as he went because he thought someone had bugged him and was controlling his truck. Another time he went west and he stopped at a construction site in Missouri where a bunch of people were eating lunch. He parked his truck, left the keys in it, and jumped into the workers' truck, hot wired it, and took off for California. H didn't make it far before he was arrested. Anyway, he's got a history of really bad mental illness. Walt went to check on him and visit with him yesterday, and the doctor said he can't live by himself anymore. He's having a really hard time breathing for one, and right now he's at the regular hospital across the street. Secondly, he's in no shape mentally to care for himself. So now Walt and his other 2 brothers are having to decide what to do and how to do it. Walt kinda wants him to stay with us, but I really do not. We don't have any extra room to spare, we would have to convert our living room into a bedroom, and I don't know that I want a borderline insane man in my house with my son and animals. Don't get me wrong, I love this brother, I actually met him before my husband, but that was back when his mind was working right. It's almost like dealing with someone who has dementia- you know the person is in there somewhere, but you don't know how to reach them. Will have to see how that all pans out. The brothers are supposed to have a meeting this weekend (one lives in Alabama and has to come up here). At least for now, the one in question safe where he is, and we are safe where we are.
sonjajade: (shin whitey)
2017-05-08 01:13 am
Entry tags:

Antsy

 My sister messaged me on facebook tonight telling me she ran away from home. Confused, I asked for clarification. She said her boyfriend of like 10 years was drunk and yelling in her face about how she never spends time with her kids and sleeps all the time. She said he'd stolen her pain pills, that even my mom was yelling at him.

In the meantime, the boyfriend is posting shit on facebook about how he wasn't gonna bow down to no bitch and she needed to bow down to him, and I said I was on my way to see if he could make this bitch bow, because I was about to sit on him and beat some sense into his head. We get in an argument via comments on facebook. Now to be fair, he has never done anything to me personally. He has hit my sister and stolen jewelry and electronics and possibly money from my mother, but never did anything to me (apart fuck with my family). So for me to actually say to him that he needed to just leave and walk away and fight with him like I was doing is a big step for me because I routinely avoid confrontation, online or otherwise.

I am still talking in PM with my sister at this point, and I told her to call the cops for a domestic dispute, She wouldn't do it. Then she says I should call them and do a welfare check on mom as the reason. I told my sister SHE should call because it's her situation. She says she's scared, and then informs me he has a warrant for his arrest. Not sure what charge, I didn't ask, I just picked up the phone and called 911. I asked for a welfare check on mom like sister told me to. They sent a car. I haven't heard anything since.

Someone in the comments on the boyfriend's post said I could be charged with harassment for the things I said. I'm not concerned. The boyfriend has a record and is a known thief and drug addict, I do not have a record and am not a drug addict. If they come here to question me I will talk to them. I doubt I'll be arrested, but we'll see. So I am anxiously waiting to see what happens.

Oh yeah, I told my sister to get an EPO on him, she said she already has one and I lost it and started yelling at her (all caps, so it's srs). If nothing changes after this, I am telling my mom and sister I don't want to hear anything about this guy unless they are committed to doing something about it. You're not allowed to complain if you're going to sit on your hands and let things happen because you're afraid. 

It's almost 1:30 in the morning and I have to get up at 7:30 to get Joey to school, and I'm afraid to go to bed because I don't know what's happening at mom's, and don't know if the police will come here. Maybe I should just go to bed and not worry about it at all!
sonjajade: (shin whitey)
2017-04-25 06:52 pm
Entry tags:

My aunt just suddenly passed away

 Like an hour ago. Out of nowhere. My sister said she collapsed in the kitchen, unresponsive and not breathing. Her daughter-in-law and my uncle did chest compressions on her until the ambulance arrived, and she was taken to the hospital where they worked on her for almost an hour before pronouncing her dead. Mom said the say before she'd been complaining about her back hurting, so we think it may have been a heart attack. She was the youngest of my mom's siblings too- only 52 years old. Just a year and a half ago I lost my uncle, her brother, very suddenly too in a fatal motorcycle accident. I hope it was as painless as it was quick for her. 

She joins her son Steven, who passed when he was 3 due to cancer, my grandparents and uncle, and her ex-husband, the father of her children.  I have no idea what's gong to happen as far as a memorial or anything- they were pretty poor and I'm certain she didn't pre-plan anything. 

Hug your loved ones, you never know when their last breath is coming.
sonjajade: (action bastard)
2017-04-24 10:59 pm
Entry tags:

Met with the psychiatrist today

 She asked all the expected questions: How's the depression? How's the anxiety? Any weird sensations or side effects bothering you? After the progress I've made this past month and how much better things are, she decided not to up the dosage at this time. I mentioned some insomnia from time to time and she told me to start taking it in the morning instead of at bedtime. So everything's looking good and she is pleased and so I am I!

Went to a grand opening of a new Goodwill store. I didn't mean to get there just before opening the doors, but I was one of the first people in. Got a set of pajama bottoms (capris and shorts!) both featuring pink flamingos, got a tiny red jade little Buddha figure, a little wooden treasure chest I thought Joey might like (he didn't), a gameboy game but now I can't find the gameboy grrr, and 2 shirts for Joey. He asked me for a white 'wife beater' and he needed a plain white t-shirt for his 50's concert at school on Thursday. They were also handing out free pens and post-it notes and stress balls so got that too. Oh and one of the Dark Tower books by Stephen King. I used to have the whole series but had to sell them at some point in my joblessness. This is #2, the Drawing of the Three. I read while in the line to pick up Joey from school for about an hour everyday.

Still having a really hard time finding a job AGAIN... Hoping something comes along soon. In the meantime, I'm playing World of Warcraft again. Wish I could finish my FMA Big Bang fic, and I'm sure I will eventually, just really wish I could get that spark of creativity back sooner rather than later.

To end on a high note, the weather was absolutely beautiful today, I wish I could trap days like this in a bottle.
sonjajade: (action bastard)
2017-04-22 12:40 am
Entry tags:

Weight Loss Surgery: Take TWO

 In 2014, I signed up to have weight loss surgery. I was on track to have it around March/April of 2015, because medicaid makes you do 6 months of supervised weight loss with your doctor before approving the surgery, and you have to be checked by the doctor every month for a consecutive 6 months (literally every 30 days). In December, my doctor had something come up, and medicaid said I could see anyone in her office, but they wouldn't see me. So after 3 months, I had to start all over again at the beginning, and I said fuck it, I'll just keep doing the diet the surgeon put me on, I'm doing pretty well with that.

Then I started the job at Charter, and everything got all off track, and here I am in 2017 and I just sent the paperwork in yesterday by mail to get back into the program, which will put me on track for surgery sometime between the end of November and early January. I think the Zoloft helped me make that decision, because before I was so scared and terrified, even about having the endoscopy to see what's causing my GERD and if they will have to surgically fix that while they're in there. Not scared anymore. I think that goof up happened for a reason, even though I'm bigger now than I was when I was going to have it done initially. 

I weigh 373 lbs (168 kilos), am 5' 3" (160 cm), and my BMI is 66, completely and horribly awful. I am literally as big around as I am tall (63 inch waist, 63 inches tall). It's time for this, and I'm ready now- ready to make changes and work harder than I've ever worked before. 

Still feeling better and better with the Zoloft. I can't believe how much better everything in the house feels too. The whole atmosphere in here has transformed. If I could get back to work, my life would be pretty freakin good.

Made the jump to DW (obviously). Got the FMA Big Bang community updated and ready to go in case anyone's interested. I may use an old schedule since were' going to be separate from Tumblr (but I also may make a master post of the Tumblr fics when they're published)
sonjajade: (mirsan water)
2017-04-13 12:11 am

Adventures with Zoloft

I've been taking the Zoloft for almost 3 weeks now. While I have had 2 panic attacks, they were easily gotten under control, and the depression has slowly been lifting more and more each day. No weird hallucinations, no super weird physical symptoms, just feeling better. I have noticed that stuff that used to trigger my panic attacks (my hypochondria for one, and worrying about shit I can't control for two) doesn't seem to bother me like it used to. For example: I read an article that said if the polar ice melts far enough, it will release a methane bubble so large that it will immediately suffocate the entire planet within seconds. When I first read that, I worried about it for 2 days straight. My stomach was in knots, I could barely eat, I was almost in tears at the thought of having to watch Joey or my dogs stare at me in fear as we all died horribly. Now, I can think about it, even in gory detail, without really panicking like I first did. And before when I got a weird pain or sensation, my first thought would be OMG IT'S A BRAIN TUMOR or OMG IT'S A STROKE. Now, I simply acknowledge the sensation and move on. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself here, but I feel almost normal again, and I am so relieved- you have no idea.

Even my rocky relationship with my husband seems to have improved by leaps and bounds. I'm not so uptight and tense, which makes him less uptight and tense. I'm not so ANGRY like I was before. Everything just feels so much better.  Now if I could only find a job and get back to work, and get a physical therapist that takes medicaid, I'd be on the right track.

I feel like I've got so much more energy too, even though I feel ilke I'm still sleeping too much. That's just a bad habit of staying up too late and getting up too early in the morning. I almost always go back to bed after I take Joey to school. I'm sure once I find a job too that will straighten itself out.

I go see the doctor again in about 2 weeks. I almost hope she doesn't up my dosage because I feel so much better than I did. I guess if she does and it feels like too much, I can just break the pills in half.

And somethign that makes me happy just because: I have a "Happiness Jar" that I write down happy things on and open on Yule to remind myself of how many blessings I have throughout the year. Last year I only had SEVEN pieces of paper for the entire year. This year, the jar is almost full and we're not even halfway through yet. It feels good to feel good ♥
sonjajade: (shin eating)
2017-03-29 01:32 pm
Entry tags:

Weird panic attack last night

I'm still adjusting to the Zoloft, up until last night, nothing of note had happened. I'd gone to bed and felt fine, then woke up with chest pain, though the pain itself wasn't really that bad. I turned over in bed got comfortable and tried to go back to sleep and then I started feeling like it was getting worse. So I sat up and just observed it- was it a squeezing pain? Was it one side or the other or in the middle? Sharp and tabby or dull and achy? And then it felt like someone put a hot poker in my chest and it started to get warm, and then radiated outward and now it was in my back too. Of course that freaked me right the fuck out and bam- I'm in the middle of a horrible panic attack. I shouted for my husband, who didn't answer. So I hurriedly called his phone, and I heard it ringing on the kitchen table. So I got up and started frantically searching for him and found him in the garage. By that time, I was so concentrated on finding him and not focusing on the sensation in my chest that I actually made the symptoms go away. He comforted me a little, noting that I was so sweaty it was like I'd just gotten out of the shower. I finally got calmed down and got a glass of water, a little later got a snack.  No further trouble so far.

The reason I mention all of that was when I was taking the Lexapro, I had a similar event happen- hot poker that radiated heat from the middle of my chest, though that time it radiated up past my shoulders and down pasy my groin- this time it didn't go very far and wasn't as intense. I wonder if that's something I'm just going to have to deal with if I take medication for the depression and anxiety. I haven't had any hallucinations or weird thoughts like I had with the Lexapro, so maybe the Zoloft will be better in the long run, I just don't want to have panic episodes like that if I can avoid them. I haven't had one that bad in a long time.  I really thought I was having a heart attack because of something I'd read once saying that women's symptoms don't have the left arm pain, it's usually a radiating pain that goes to the back.

Anyway, doctor said my legs hurting could very well be caused by the depo shot, because it can cause osteoporosis and if there's even a tiny bit of arthritis in my knees it would make it worse.  Had xrays on both knees yesterday, but she wants me to stop the shot. I kinda do too, but I also don't like bleeding for a month or bleeding very heavily with horrible cramps. She said that all might be weight related and is really pushing for the weight loss surgery. I think I'm going to get serious about that pre-surgery diet again and just start moving. Once I start feeling better mentally, I think that will be better in the long run.
sonjajade: (mirsan water)
2017-03-28 12:08 am
Entry tags:

A more positive update

I was put on Zoloft a few days ago, so far so good. Trying not to think too much about it honestly because I'm a med phobe. So I don't know if it's working yet, but it's slowly building up in my body.

Transferred all my fics from my lj storage bin to AO3. Now that was annoying. But they're all there now- good bad and ugly lol. Some of them I edited a little so they weren't as bad, so that's good. Made me miss the fma fic contest comm though. SOOOOO MANY ENTRIES.  Still haven't written much.  Maybe that will change soon. I had an idea for the stoner series, but I feel like I write that for myself and no one really cares about it. Really wish I could get inspired with this Big Bang fic I have cooking. I guess it will come when it's ready.

I worked at Home Depot for a whopping 3 weeks. My first day out on the floor, my legs were hurting so bad after only 2 hours of work that I ended up getting fired for walking too slow. The store manager probably felt I was a liability.Either way, I'm grateful to not be there anymore. Really hoping some of these call centers get back with me. I'm really hoping for Anthem, but will take the collections agency if I have to. I have to work so I can get the taxes saved up and maybe try to get my van fixed (or replaced). I actually filed for disability but I doubt I'll get it. That would solve everything though.

The depression has really been rough. My house is a wreck and I can't seem to find the energy to do anything. I want to sleep lots and lots, and on school days I can, but weekends are excruciating and Spring Break is next week. I can't even imagine how I'm going to deal with Joey on spring break with no sleep and no money. I'm already ready to run away from it.

The return of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is coming soon, as well as the second season of Attack on Titan.  Not much longer and it will be Game of Thrones time again. Just trying to stay afloat. Today was a mostly good day, hopefully there will be more days like this on the horizon.
sonjajade: (shin eating)
2016-12-23 09:32 pm
Entry tags:

This year's Happiness Jar

There weren't very many slips this year... Let's face it, 2016 has sucked on a lot of levels for a lot of people.  But there were some things I forgot to write down, so I will put those at the end.  For those who aren't familiar with this thing I do, I keep a jar full of little slips of paper with things that have made me happy written on them. On Yule, I open the jar and relive all the happy things that have happened.  I only had 7 slips this year but I've had lots more in the past. I've been wanting to keep a jar of regrets as well, to throw on a Yule bon fire or something, but I'm afraid someone (my husband mainly) would get into it and take everything out of context.

Anyway, here's the list, in no particular order.
Read more... )
sonjajade: (shin eating)
2016-10-26 08:36 pm
Entry tags:

i am becoming the mad madam lol

So over the course of the years, I've been scanning and saving every doctor's note I ever gotten, whether its from the dentist, the doctor, the hospital, poediatrician, etc. I use photoshop to lift the signatures and clean up the forms themselves so I have blank ones. My husband thinks I'm stupid. I think I'm brilliant because I just sold 4 forged dr notes at work and made enough for gas money for the week! 2 were for absences and 2 were false diuretic prescriptions (so our breaks aren't so closely monitored).  I've also got a great spot on the call center floor, and I can hear the private conversations of 2 supervisors almost every time if they shut the little sliding door on their cubicles, I think because of the glass panels over the front of my desk. Anyway, I am an information broker part time too lol. I knew about the firing of 2 people before anyone else on the floor did. And my coworker who sits next to me told me she's a professional pickpocket. Up until recently, she was homeless, and she used a combination of magic tricks that she learned as a kid and over the top acting to take watches, rings, wallets and anything else she could get her hands on. She said she hasn't done it lately because she's making money now (with a real job!) and isn't homeless anymore, but she said sometimes people still pay her sometimes for special jobs, like stealing a boyfriend's phone or snatching back a ring that an ex gave to someone. I feel right at home in my little cluster of girls. One of them stabbed her husband!! But it was because he was threatening to hurt their kid. The other is a pot dealer. Seriously, debauchery reigns in that little 10'x8' square.

I still hate the call center life. The only thing saving me is that this job doesn't monitor hang ups. I don't normally hang up on people, even here. But I hung up *5* today. ugh.

Joey's strict ass school sent home a letter about him possibly being kicked out because he's "not meeting the academic expectations of the traditional program." Excuse me, he jsut got his report card and there was only 1 kind of bad grade on it, it wasn't even a failing grade, and you're telling me he's going to be kicked out? I almost WANT it to happen. Not because I want that on Joey's record, but because they're so strict about stupid shit and get so freaked out by the littlest variance from their almost militaristic routine. We'll see what happens. Otherwise I am just waiting for my three day weekend and for the election to be OVER.
sonjajade: (omgwtf)
2016-08-29 07:00 pm

Kentokyocon was a SHIT SHOW

Alright- to be fair, I still had a good time and enjoyed myself, but the good times were NOT had at the convention.

The BAD )

The GOOD )
It was a good trip overall, I just wish the con itself had been better. I'm already planning for the next one, hopefully in Evansville IN in March (ELD, watch out!) so we'll see what happens. Road tripping was fun too. I hadn't been on one in a long while and this one wasn't too far or too close.

The PICS )
sonjajade: (poker face)
2016-06-16 11:30 pm
Entry tags:

Job drama (but with a happy ending!)

Long job drama )

In other news, I have a panel on Japanese music and instruments that I'll be presenting at Sukoshicon's Louisville Anime Weekend the weekend after I start my new job. If anyone would like to contribute or have a hand in helping me make a meaningful and well put-together hour long presentation, I have the file up in Google slides (because I have a Chromebook I will be using to present it with). Here's the link if you're interested!!
sonjajade: (99 problems)
2016-05-14 05:58 pm
Entry tags:

Where is my fairy godmother, we need to chat...

And by chat, I mean smack her in the face repeatedly with a crowbar.

Still unemployed. I had a job for 2 days in between now and December 7th of last year. I'm ready to pull my fucking hair out.  Because of said unemployment, my husband HATES ME even more than he normally does.  He is damn near unbearable.  Under better circumstances, I would try to get a full time job again so I could get the fuck out of here, but summer vacation is here, like less than 2 weeks away, and he refuses to watch Joey (which it's not like he's a baby he's almost 6...) and I can't find someone to watch him for me because my family all works and I'm not good enough friends with the neighbors to ask them.  I can't afford daycare or camp.  I want to cry until I'm dead.

Speaking of dead, I woke up this morning feeling short of breath and though it was likely from waking up mid sleep cycle snoring, the anxiety disorder made me assume I was having a heart attack because of the chest discomfort I get when I panic.  I also back up to over 350 pounds and scared to death that a heart attack is coming for me any day.

I am so depressed I can't stand it.  Sleeping is the only thing that gives me joy, when I am able to sleep.  Well, and Game of Thrones.  All the fic contest comms I frequented are now closed, and I honestly don't know what to do with myself.  No job, no hobbies, no life.  And I was voted most likely to succeed in high school.  Even more depressing.

I don't know what to do to change things.  Maybe I should look into having that weight loss surgery again.  I just keep trying to find a job and hope eventually someone says yes to me.  I wish someone could help me out with that, but I don't think I have any contacts left in the world that can do things like that for me.  For now, I will just stay in this holding pattern and eventually something's bound to change.
sonjajade: (shin eating)
2016-04-08 01:44 pm
Entry tags:

Wacky dream

I dreamed I was putting on a high school play, and was the star of said play. It had something to do with Star Trek: TNG, and the scene I remember most vividly was I was supposed to go down to the engine room and manually switch off the warp drive while in warp 10, which was supposed to reset something and keep us from warping through the edge of the universe or something. I remember telling the crew at a meeting that it was very possible that instead of saving our lives that the ship would break apart, but when the other option was to warp through existence and die anyway, this was a much better solution.  So Red alert goes off and I was given the okay to go and do what needed to be done. I remember running down to ten forward and telling people who were eating that they needed to get somewhere safe, and then I remember going back to my quarters because I needed to find a really bad ass outfit to wear in case we succeeded and pictures were taken of me lol.  Keep in mind this was all supposed to be a play for a high school. When I went to find cool clothes I was in a regular house, like not a space ship lol. I remember saying to myself "I haven't played Star Trek since I was a kid this is so much fun!!" and I had a little battery operated loudspeaker toy that I was using to make announcements to.  I don't know if I maanged to save the Enterprise because I woke up too soon, but it was a lot of fun and I think it was directly inspired by watching the trailer for the Rogue One Star Wars movie coming out in Dec.

I haven't updated here recently, but I think the hallucinations have finally stopped.  I haven't had one in a really long time. I've been doing pretty well and that's just fine by me.  Apart from having a bad bout with allergies recently, things are going pretty good. I started my job at Dollar General yesterday and they seem like a very nice group of people. I go in tonight for some register training and I imagine that'll go smoothly.

Finally watched "Shock Treatment", the not-really-a-sequel to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  The songs are catchy but the movie is weird... I guess like Rocky was.  I didn't like the new Janet. Her voice was too different from Susan Sarandon's. Too deep. Made Janet sound like she had a whiskey and Marlboro habit. Otherwise, it was an okay movie I guess, the soundtrack was pretty good, particularly the one about the inanimate objects:

sonjajade: (shin and whitey)
2016-03-06 11:43 pm
Entry tags:

Anyone ever have a miscarriage before?

 Let me set this up, because I don't think I had a miscarriage, but other people are telling me I did.

gross details )
sonjajade: (OMGYES!)
2016-02-14 05:47 pm
Entry tags:

What a difference a little pill makes

I took half of a 10 mg Lexapro because I was terrified to take it.  I actually sat here playing with it for about five minutes before I swallowed it, talking myself into taking it and reminding myself how it was when I began my blood pressure medicine and how I was afraid to take it too at first.  I kept a detailed journal of when I took it and every little thing I experienced (in case of an adverse reaction, and just in case I forgot something or couldn't talk- isn't panic wonderful?). By the time I went to bed, it felt like a switch had been activated, and all the anger and sadness I'd been dealing with for the past week was gone. When I woke up this morning, things were not as irritating to me as they'd been all week- Joey's loudness, Walter's bullshit, the dogs, the weather, etc.  I felt like I was smiling more and worrying a whole lot less- and that's really really great.  So what if I can't drink?  So what if I can't take ibuprofen?  So what if I lose my sex drive? Like I was getting any anyhow! This is much better than I was before and that was only half the dose.  Now that it's been almost 20 hours since I took it, I'm starting to come down a little, but I'm really pleased with the results so far. Nothing as terrifying as I'd made it out to be.  Even had the motivation and energy to do the laundry and really clean the kitchen, though I'm still dealing with some sleepiness from just getting over a sinus infection.  Now if I could just get a job, things would really be on the up and up.

My mom surprised me with paying the other half of the money so I could get a compressor for my van.  My mechanic told me not to say anything because Mom wanted it to be a complete surprise.  Joey's Godmother paid most of it, when we thought it was an alternator I needed.  I go Saturday to get that all fixed- so excited!

Joey's reading like crazy!  I was in 1st grade before I learned to read as good as he's reading.  He says he hates school but his teachers say otherwise, and his grades prove it too.

Snow everywhere jesus! But it's gonna be in the 60's by Thursday.  All I can think of is Chris Farley as El Niño.

Happy Valentines Day to all!
sonjajade: (too hot!)
2016-02-12 11:56 pm
Entry tags:

The little orange elephant in the room

AKA Lexapro.

I was reading what side effects can happen during the adjustment period. Some of them are nausea, dizziness, feelings of nervousness and increased heartrate- all the reasons I wanted to take a pill in the first place.  Right now, those feelings come and go and aren't usually constant. Once I start these, it's gonna be constant for at least a week and possibly longer.  I don't know if I can deal with that.  The psychiatrist told me taking them at night might help with side effects, but another side effect is sleeplessness!  Jumpin Jehosephat I just want to feel normal again and NOT have to go through hell in order to do it!!!

Still no job. I have since applied to be a school crossing guard and an appointment setter for one of the hospitals. Dropped my applications for Bath and Body Works off today.  I also got a hell of a deal- bought a hand sanitizer for under $2 and got a great big fragrance spray for free. $14.00 for free!

Kleptomania runnin' wild lately too (Lexapro treats that!).  Walked out of Kroger with Cliff's birthday cake.  Had no intention of ever paying for it.  Planned on stealing it when I ordered it the week before, after 'casing the joint'.  I am a bad person and it's a wonder I have any friends.

Speaking of friends, or lack thereof, I did a 'friends' taxes for her and she treats my husband and son to dinner without even asking if I wanted something to eat too.

Painted faces at Joey's Valentine's Day party. It was awful. 20 children swarmed me all at once and woudln't give me any space to work and I was practically sitting in the floor. The other moms looked like models for Macy's.  I looked like a model for Goodwill.

Just realized how awful this whole update sounds, maybe I should take the fucking pills and jsut deal with the side effects. I don't sound too well right now even to myself.