sonjajade: (mirsan water)
I've been taking the Zoloft for almost 3 weeks now. While I have had 2 panic attacks, they were easily gotten under control, and the depression has slowly been lifting more and more each day. No weird hallucinations, no super weird physical symptoms, just feeling better. I have noticed that stuff that used to trigger my panic attacks (my hypochondria for one, and worrying about shit I can't control for two) doesn't seem to bother me like it used to. For example: I read an article that said if the polar ice melts far enough, it will release a methane bubble so large that it will immediately suffocate the entire planet within seconds. When I first read that, I worried about it for 2 days straight. My stomach was in knots, I could barely eat, I was almost in tears at the thought of having to watch Joey or my dogs stare at me in fear as we all died horribly. Now, I can think about it, even in gory detail, without really panicking like I first did. And before when I got a weird pain or sensation, my first thought would be OMG IT'S A BRAIN TUMOR or OMG IT'S A STROKE. Now, I simply acknowledge the sensation and move on. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself here, but I feel almost normal again, and I am so relieved- you have no idea.

Even my rocky relationship with my husband seems to have improved by leaps and bounds. I'm not so uptight and tense, which makes him less uptight and tense. I'm not so ANGRY like I was before. Everything just feels so much better.  Now if I could only find a job and get back to work, and get a physical therapist that takes medicaid, I'd be on the right track.

I feel like I've got so much more energy too, even though I feel ilke I'm still sleeping too much. That's just a bad habit of staying up too late and getting up too early in the morning. I almost always go back to bed after I take Joey to school. I'm sure once I find a job too that will straighten itself out.

I go see the doctor again in about 2 weeks. I almost hope she doesn't up my dosage because I feel so much better than I did. I guess if she does and it feels like too much, I can just break the pills in half.

And somethign that makes me happy just because: I have a "Happiness Jar" that I write down happy things on and open on Yule to remind myself of how many blessings I have throughout the year. Last year I only had SEVEN pieces of paper for the entire year. This year, the jar is almost full and we're not even halfway through yet. It feels good to feel good ♥

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Jenny

September 2017

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