sonjajade: (shin eating)
Closure (1273 words) by SonjaJade
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang
Additional Tags: Miscarriage
Summary: An anniversary celebration is interrupted by possibly the worst event Roy and Riza have ever experienced.

Hey guys!

Sep. 25th, 2016 06:21 pm
sonjajade: (shin eating)
I did this thing on tumblr because I roleplay as Braeda there. It's basically just a background for him but there's pictures of what I thought his childhood looked like and I thought I'd share it with like minded people. So, if you'd like to know more about Braeda's background and the places he saw everyday before joining the army, CLICK HERE.

Otherwise, I haven't really been up to anything, just working and stuff. If I had more to say I would say it!

Oh here's a fic I wrote about Wrath/King Bradley, kind of a character study of sorts I guess.

So Soft and Tender (855 words) by SonjaJade
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: King Bradley/Mrs. Bradley
Characters: King Bradley, Mrs. Bradley
Additional Tags: Character Study, Introspection
Summary: Even violent monsters have their weaknesses, and opposites really do attract.
sonjajade: (shin eating)
Treasures in the Attic (1210 words) by SonjaJade
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell
Characters: Edward Elric, Pinako Rockbell
Additional Tags: Inheritance, Family Heirlooms, geneology

While searching the attic for Urey’s old crib to clean up and use for the new baby, Edward and Pinako come across something that time had almost forgotten- and that Edward never in his life expected to see.

sonjajade: (omgwtf)
Alright- to be fair, I still had a good time and enjoyed myself, but the good times were NOT had at the convention.

The BAD )

The GOOD )
It was a good trip overall, I just wish the con itself had been better. I'm already planning for the next one, hopefully in Evansville IN in March (ELD, watch out!) so we'll see what happens. Road tripping was fun too. I hadn't been on one in a long while and this one wasn't too far or too close.

The PICS )
sonjajade: (shin eating)
Tell me what you think? Stuff in parentheses is stage direction and dialogue separate from the main idea.

Cosplay Doppelganger skit ideas )
sonjajade: (shin eating)
So the cosplay competition has an option for a Doppelganger prize, wherein not only do you have to look like your character, but sound like them too. In other words, I must become the Mad Madame in words and image.  I'm trying to think of what I want to say. I thought about using a prop- Roy's diary from when he was a teenager. I thought about reading a passage about how hung up he is on Riza and getting a guy in the audience (maybe a Roy cosplayer?) to stand up and shout "HEY! THAT'S MY DIARY!!" and I could tuck the book back in my purse and hurry off LOL. Also thought about coming out on stage and asking the audience if they'd seen Roy, that he blew up my bar and he promised me a new one, and if he doesn't follow through, he'll have more that 520 cenz to worry about when I get done with him.

But what I really wanna know is: Do you guys have any ideas?
sonjajade: (shin eating)
Title: Sumaya’s Conviction (LINK TO AO3)
Author: Sonja Jade
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Word Count: 939
Rating: G
Characters: Scar, his oldest daughter Sumaya, OCs
Summary: It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood- too beautiful to let some bullies ruin the afternoon.
Author’s Notes: Written for Father’s Day.  Also, Kyai is a title given to ‘priests’ in a mosque who call the people to prayer five times a day.  I’ve based a lot of this universe on Arab culture and figured Scar is spending most of his time at the monastery, this is probably the closest thing to a real title I can give him.
sonjajade: (poker face)
Long job drama )

In other news, I have a panel on Japanese music and instruments that I'll be presenting at Sukoshicon's Louisville Anime Weekend the weekend after I start my new job. If anyone would like to contribute or have a hand in helping me make a meaningful and well put-together hour long presentation, I have the file up in Google slides (because I have a Chromebook I will be using to present it with). Here's the link if you're interested!!
sonjajade: (Ling Rocks)
I've been super bummed lately, so I'm spending some time cheering myself up and thought I'd share. There's an 80's movie theme!

Barry Gordy's The Last Dragon

The Goonies

Heavy Metal

Rocky IV

Top Gun

The Breakfast Club

National Lampoon's European Vacation

Rock n' Roll High School


Beverly Hills Cop

alright I'll quit brothering everyone now with my 80-ness lol
sonjajade: (99 problems)
And by chat, I mean smack her in the face repeatedly with a crowbar.

Still unemployed. I had a job for 2 days in between now and December 7th of last year. I'm ready to pull my fucking hair out.  Because of said unemployment, my husband HATES ME even more than he normally does.  He is damn near unbearable.  Under better circumstances, I would try to get a full time job again so I could get the fuck out of here, but summer vacation is here, like less than 2 weeks away, and he refuses to watch Joey (which it's not like he's a baby he's almost 6...) and I can't find someone to watch him for me because my family all works and I'm not good enough friends with the neighbors to ask them.  I can't afford daycare or camp.  I want to cry until I'm dead.

Speaking of dead, I woke up this morning feeling short of breath and though it was likely from waking up mid sleep cycle snoring, the anxiety disorder made me assume I was having a heart attack because of the chest discomfort I get when I panic.  I also back up to over 350 pounds and scared to death that a heart attack is coming for me any day.

I am so depressed I can't stand it.  Sleeping is the only thing that gives me joy, when I am able to sleep.  Well, and Game of Thrones.  All the fic contest comms I frequented are now closed, and I honestly don't know what to do with myself.  No job, no hobbies, no life.  And I was voted most likely to succeed in high school.  Even more depressing.

I don't know what to do to change things.  Maybe I should look into having that weight loss surgery again.  I just keep trying to find a job and hope eventually someone says yes to me.  I wish someone could help me out with that, but I don't think I have any contacts left in the world that can do things like that for me.  For now, I will just stay in this holding pattern and eventually something's bound to change.
sonjajade: (shin eating)

There was a mall we’d all gone to, several people that I don’t know in real life were there. It had been cold and rainy and I remember something about driving to the place but it’s real foggy now. Like it was dark when we drove there but light later. Anyway before they close the mall, TONS of cops show up, and they close all the doors trapping us inside.  Through a weeding out process, they take some outside. I find out from someone who looked perfectly happy to be trapped that anyone left outside was going to be killed.  After that I started seeing important people- the mayor, the governor, Bernie Sanders. After a really weird test involving a video game and some kind of word-gram, I also get to stay, but none of my family are there and I cry a lot.  By this time it’s light outside because someone let me take a mentally ill person to their house to get some money for some kind of bill he had to pay before they’d let him stay.  We had to wear special outfits and be escorted by police.  There isn’t a single person outside, no one driving, walking, no one at all.  When we get back to the mall someone said something about an H bomb. I couldn’t get anyone to confirm it.  Eventually I end up sitting near Bernie, and he said what had happened was an injustice greater than the Holocaust and that we needed to organize and bring our task masters to heel. I ended up sticking close to him the rest of the time we were there.

The dream before that was about a litter of black kittens that I found and brought home to raise. They were all adorable and sweet and all of them we named after norse gods. Flop somehow become a girl cat and started nursing them and was a great momma, and because they were also raised with dogs, they were little black fluffballs of friendly, fetch playing, snuggly evil.

sonjajade: (shin eating)
Strange dreams last night. The first was about our neighbors across the street moving out, but they had also started taking some of our stuff with them. It was dark and in the middle of the night, and for some reason, we were in the house I grew up in not the house I live in now. I woke Walt up and was yelling at him about why were these people taking our stuff and he started apologizing. I didn't think he sounded sincere so I gathered up our children (2 boys and a girl) and left. Yesterday the people across the street were packing up U-Hauls and stuff. It's a mother and son, mom lives on the left and is selling the house, son is on the right and is my Redneck Neighbor.  They were packing all day and all night this big ole truck and then around 2 am they got drunk and started cussing as loud as they could at one another. At least I have an explanation for this one lol.

The next dream was about InuYasha. There was some kind of huge demon (insipired by this image of the new Pete's Dragon dragon...) that Miroku needed to destroy, but as long as he had this one picture of Sango it wasnt going to happen (It was a picture of Sango in a very cartoonish style, and she kinda looked like Leelah from Futurama- she had one big eye and was dressed in her traveling kimono with Hiraikotsu on her back). So He had this giant sword kinda like a transformed Tessaiga that he had to find in these stone catacombs.  Rin and Jaken were there in hiding and she's the one who tells him how to get to the demon.  When he gets to where he needs to be, he is met by a human looking demon who says Miroku has to defeat him first before he can go to the big bad monster demon.  Every attack Miroku makes is countered, and with every failing attack, the sword gets smaller until its the size of a knife, and the human demon ends up taking Miroku's eyeballs at the end.  He somehow makes it back to the catacombs and Rin explains to him that he has to let Sango go forever in order to win, and that this wierd cosplay pic of her is the one he needs to discard. Well, he pulls out a bunch of pictures of her and none of them are the one in question, so he gives up another pic thinking that will change things. I woke up before it could finish.  Before I could fall back asleep I seriously thought I was having a heart attack but turns out it was jsut panic starting up.  Made myself go back to sleep so I could try to sleep it off.

Also a dream about Vic Mignogna becoming governor of Kentucky. Woke up in an absolute panic. Trying to get more rest just wanted to be sure I got this down first.

Last dream I remember was being with my granny and her mom (my granny is actually my step-granny and she's only about 4 years older than my dad, so I got to know her mom really well as a child, though she has since passed on). Granny's house is always the best- it is always beautiful, it always smells nice, the layout is good- everything is awesome.  Well the house still looked the same, but there were more rooms than before, so I'm looking at these new rooms (lots of oak paneling with wainscotting and moulding, beautiful crystal chandeliers, and houseplants EVERYWHERE). As I'm looking around, I realize Granny's having a luncheon for some older ladies (she's a hairdresser by trade, elderly women are her clientele) and outta nowhere Vic Mignogna shows up, helping to serve plates to all these women.  Of course they don't know who he is, they just think he's a handsome gentleman helping out for the afternoon, and I get him aside and ask him what he's doing there and he says he's decided to run for governor because ours sucks so bad.  And he's very charming to the women and telling jokes and being a schmooze- because he's fundraising at the same time.

Then I woke up in a full blown panic attack, and I'm still on edge now, even hours later.  I think being with my nephews yesterday did it because they never listen and the one forgot his ADD medicine and omg that child makes me want to scream when he's like that.  Also, I have another weird headache (likely allergies...) that set it all off, well- that and the heart flutters.  There's an animation in InuYasha that PERFECTLY depicts the feeling I get when I have a heart symptom of panic. If I find a clip of it I will post it.

Wacky dream

Apr. 8th, 2016 01:44 pm
sonjajade: (shin eating)
I dreamed I was putting on a high school play, and was the star of said play. It had something to do with Star Trek: TNG, and the scene I remember most vividly was I was supposed to go down to the engine room and manually switch off the warp drive while in warp 10, which was supposed to reset something and keep us from warping through the edge of the universe or something. I remember telling the crew at a meeting that it was very possible that instead of saving our lives that the ship would break apart, but when the other option was to warp through existence and die anyway, this was a much better solution.  So Red alert goes off and I was given the okay to go and do what needed to be done. I remember running down to ten forward and telling people who were eating that they needed to get somewhere safe, and then I remember going back to my quarters because I needed to find a really bad ass outfit to wear in case we succeeded and pictures were taken of me lol.  Keep in mind this was all supposed to be a play for a high school. When I went to find cool clothes I was in a regular house, like not a space ship lol. I remember saying to myself "I haven't played Star Trek since I was a kid this is so much fun!!" and I had a little battery operated loudspeaker toy that I was using to make announcements to.  I don't know if I maanged to save the Enterprise because I woke up too soon, but it was a lot of fun and I think it was directly inspired by watching the trailer for the Rogue One Star Wars movie coming out in Dec.

I haven't updated here recently, but I think the hallucinations have finally stopped.  I haven't had one in a really long time. I've been doing pretty well and that's just fine by me.  Apart from having a bad bout with allergies recently, things are going pretty good. I started my job at Dollar General yesterday and they seem like a very nice group of people. I go in tonight for some register training and I imagine that'll go smoothly.

Finally watched "Shock Treatment", the not-really-a-sequel to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  The songs are catchy but the movie is weird... I guess like Rocky was.  I didn't like the new Janet. Her voice was too different from Susan Sarandon's. Too deep. Made Janet sound like she had a whiskey and Marlboro habit. Otherwise, it was an okay movie I guess, the soundtrack was pretty good, particularly the one about the inanimate objects:

sonjajade: (shin and whitey)
Sleeping isn't even a respite anymore because I've been having horrible nightmares.  I stay keyed up and anxious all day, then panic in my sleep and have these dreams that make me afraid to sleep.  I've had more hallucinations than I've ever had before just in the past two days.  I can't wait to see the psychiatrist on Tuesday. I definitely need medication, but Exapro was not the right medicine obviously.

Let's talk about these dreams for a sec. I can't remember any of the ones before last night, just that I woke up in a cold sweat around 4am and felt like crying.  Last night I dreamed that my son was sexually molesting me and my husband was filming it and selling it to people in China.  Woke up at 4:30 (5:30 with the time change) and burst into tears because when I opened my eyes I could see spiders on the ceiling again and the weird after images that didn't make sense. There was a circuit board and more fingerprints, the other night it looked like christmas lights on the ceiling and the walls.  I was also hearing things again, and this time it wasn't just in my bedroom, I was out in the kitchen. I thought I heard the cat jump up onto the island thing but when I looked no one was there with me at all, not even any dogs.  For a split second, I actually believed I was dead.

Even though I was afraid to go back to sleep, I was so tired because I'd stayed up so late avoiding going to bed.  I went back to the bedroom and laid down and fell asleep almost instantly.  These dreams were worse.  I was burying my best friend from grade school.  He's divorced and his parents are both gone and his brother's stationed overseas somewhere, so I had to take care of funeral arangements.  My son's godmother comes to the service and ends up taking everyone hostage, firing guns and shit at everyone and was asking someone to go and get her something from the office and no one would get hurt.  So I go down there trying to get whatever it was she wanted and trying to discreetly tell the staff what the hell is going on without actually saying it because I thought she had followed me.

When I woke up I finally gave in and cried.  My heart was racing and I felt like I was going to die still.  The spiders were still on the ceiling but as the room lightened from the sun coming up, they disappeared.  No one was up and I just kept crying and wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

This is just the sleep thing.  This isn't even counting the weird headaches that don't actually hurt much, or the weird dizziness that comes and goes.  Sometimes Walt looks at me like he understands what I'm going through, but then he does nothing to comfort me.  This morning I really could have used a cuddle from someone.  I didn't get even a pat on the back all morning before he went to bed.

Part of me thinks this might be hormonal. My mom went through menopause early (42) and she told me she started having issues in her late 30's.  I'm 35 so maybe that's what's happening here.  I feel so isolated and alone, even living in a house full of people.

Hey, did I tell you about the time I woke up from a nightmare and went to the bathroom and the cat followed me in there?  I was convinced at the time that aliens had to be fucking with my head, because those after images, like when you stare at something for a while and you look away you can see the negative of it? Like stare at a white piece of paper and then look away at a blank wall and you'll see a dark spot.  I thought the after images I was seeing were of my alien captors who'd been experimenting on me and my brain.  And everytime I wake up thinking I've been abducted by aliens, the cat is right there by me.  I was convinced that the cat was a spy and telegraphing my actions back to the mothership.  For a brief scary minute, I thought about strangling him.  The rational side of my consciousness was screaming at me to snap out of it but the crazy half was validating everything for me.  I cried then too.  There were spiders on the ceiling then as well.

sonjajade: (shin and whitey)
 Let me set this up, because I don't think I had a miscarriage, but other people are telling me I did.

gross details )
sonjajade: (crest)

If you haven't seen [ profile] seta_suzume's kokeshi paintings, take a look, they're amazing.
sonjajade: (Kenshin)
[ profile] anotherfmafan or [ profile] seta_suzume can yall tell me what this thing is? I got it at Goodwill thinking it might be a sake bottle but thought it looked cool no matter what's in it!

You can click for bigger views! any help is appreciated!!

ETA: This is awamori sake from the Masahiro brewery in Okinawa!
sonjajade: (OMGYES!)
I took half of a 10 mg Lexapro because I was terrified to take it.  I actually sat here playing with it for about five minutes before I swallowed it, talking myself into taking it and reminding myself how it was when I began my blood pressure medicine and how I was afraid to take it too at first.  I kept a detailed journal of when I took it and every little thing I experienced (in case of an adverse reaction, and just in case I forgot something or couldn't talk- isn't panic wonderful?). By the time I went to bed, it felt like a switch had been activated, and all the anger and sadness I'd been dealing with for the past week was gone. When I woke up this morning, things were not as irritating to me as they'd been all week- Joey's loudness, Walter's bullshit, the dogs, the weather, etc.  I felt like I was smiling more and worrying a whole lot less- and that's really really great.  So what if I can't drink?  So what if I can't take ibuprofen?  So what if I lose my sex drive? Like I was getting any anyhow! This is much better than I was before and that was only half the dose.  Now that it's been almost 20 hours since I took it, I'm starting to come down a little, but I'm really pleased with the results so far. Nothing as terrifying as I'd made it out to be.  Even had the motivation and energy to do the laundry and really clean the kitchen, though I'm still dealing with some sleepiness from just getting over a sinus infection.  Now if I could just get a job, things would really be on the up and up.

My mom surprised me with paying the other half of the money so I could get a compressor for my van.  My mechanic told me not to say anything because Mom wanted it to be a complete surprise.  Joey's Godmother paid most of it, when we thought it was an alternator I needed.  I go Saturday to get that all fixed- so excited!

Joey's reading like crazy!  I was in 1st grade before I learned to read as good as he's reading.  He says he hates school but his teachers say otherwise, and his grades prove it too.

Snow everywhere jesus! But it's gonna be in the 60's by Thursday.  All I can think of is Chris Farley as El Niño.

Happy Valentines Day to all!
sonjajade: (too hot!)
AKA Lexapro.

I was reading what side effects can happen during the adjustment period. Some of them are nausea, dizziness, feelings of nervousness and increased heartrate- all the reasons I wanted to take a pill in the first place.  Right now, those feelings come and go and aren't usually constant. Once I start these, it's gonna be constant for at least a week and possibly longer.  I don't know if I can deal with that.  The psychiatrist told me taking them at night might help with side effects, but another side effect is sleeplessness!  Jumpin Jehosephat I just want to feel normal again and NOT have to go through hell in order to do it!!!

Still no job. I have since applied to be a school crossing guard and an appointment setter for one of the hospitals. Dropped my applications for Bath and Body Works off today.  I also got a hell of a deal- bought a hand sanitizer for under $2 and got a great big fragrance spray for free. $14.00 for free!

Kleptomania runnin' wild lately too (Lexapro treats that!).  Walked out of Kroger with Cliff's birthday cake.  Had no intention of ever paying for it.  Planned on stealing it when I ordered it the week before, after 'casing the joint'.  I am a bad person and it's a wonder I have any friends.

Speaking of friends, or lack thereof, I did a 'friends' taxes for her and she treats my husband and son to dinner without even asking if I wanted something to eat too.

Painted faces at Joey's Valentine's Day party. It was awful. 20 children swarmed me all at once and woudln't give me any space to work and I was practically sitting in the floor. The other moms looked like models for Macy's.  I looked like a model for Goodwill.

Just realized how awful this whole update sounds, maybe I should take the fucking pills and jsut deal with the side effects. I don't sound too well right now even to myself.


sonjajade: (Default)

September 2017



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