May. 14th, 2016

sonjajade: (99 problems)
And by chat, I mean smack her in the face repeatedly with a crowbar.

Still unemployed. I had a job for 2 days in between now and December 7th of last year. I'm ready to pull my fucking hair out.  Because of said unemployment, my husband HATES ME even more than he normally does.  He is damn near unbearable.  Under better circumstances, I would try to get a full time job again so I could get the fuck out of here, but summer vacation is here, like less than 2 weeks away, and he refuses to watch Joey (which it's not like he's a baby he's almost 6...) and I can't find someone to watch him for me because my family all works and I'm not good enough friends with the neighbors to ask them.  I can't afford daycare or camp.  I want to cry until I'm dead.

Speaking of dead, I woke up this morning feeling short of breath and though it was likely from waking up mid sleep cycle snoring, the anxiety disorder made me assume I was having a heart attack because of the chest discomfort I get when I panic.  I also back up to over 350 pounds and scared to death that a heart attack is coming for me any day.

I am so depressed I can't stand it.  Sleeping is the only thing that gives me joy, when I am able to sleep.  Well, and Game of Thrones.  All the fic contest comms I frequented are now closed, and I honestly don't know what to do with myself.  No job, no hobbies, no life.  And I was voted most likely to succeed in high school.  Even more depressing.

I don't know what to do to change things.  Maybe I should look into having that weight loss surgery again.  I just keep trying to find a job and hope eventually someone says yes to me.  I wish someone could help me out with that, but I don't think I have any contacts left in the world that can do things like that for me.  For now, I will just stay in this holding pattern and eventually something's bound to change.


sonjajade: (Default)

September 2017


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